Monday, August 9, 2010

Crazy Birds

When we arrived home from camping, we heard a chirping noise that sounded suspiciously close to our house. In fact, it was IN our house. Specifically, in our fireplace. A little sparrow had flown down the chimney and had been trapped for who knows how long. We let it out and managed to catch it in a towel in a quick fashion and let it free outside where it belonged.

The next morning we heard chirping again. Whaaat??? Sure enough, a sparrow (the same one? we don't know) was in our fireplace and Dixie the dog was on red alert. Once again, we let it out of the fireplace, I got a towel out and prepared to snag it and set it free.
The bird, however, had other ideas.

You see, it thought it could find it's own way out. It flew madly from window to window, thonking into the glass. Each time Mr. Sparrow smacked into a window, a little POOF of ash would be blessed all over the glass.
Thonk! Into the dining room.

Thonk! Into the living room.

Thonk! Into the glass over the wide-open front door. Not a very bright bird, I can assure you.
After 15 minutes of dashing after the bird, I gave up and got out the camera and handed it to Brenna. "Snap away, Brenna" I bravely said. Then I got out the broom, a chair and a towel. Lauren was in charge of the towel. I had the broom.  My master plan was, I would climb the chair, swing the broom toward the bird to get it off the window over the door. It would swoop over to the dining room window, where Lauren would wave a towel at it and it would turn and go out the door.

First of all, Lauren is freaked out by birds, so every time Mr. Sparrow would dive for the dining room window, Lauren would shriek and end up throwing the towel OVER HER HEAD to protect herself from the bird.
I took over the towel.
By now, Mr. Sparrow had found a new window to thonk into. Up the stairs he flew, right into the sky light. Down the stairs he would swoop, thonking into the dining room window. Then, as if on cue, he would make a mad dash for the window over the front door. (Still wide open.)
I tried giving Lauren the broom. Really, I did.

Do you see her left arm? How it is up by her EAR? Her cell phone rang in the middle of this circus, and she answered it. So. She is madly swinging a broom at Mr. Sparrow, shrieking, "stupid bird!!" and trying to carry on a conversation. Dixie the dog is racing the flight pattern of the bird. Brenna is taking about 100 pictures and keeping up some sort of a conversation with me. I have sweat pouring down my face and back from trying to catch this idiotic bird.

Up and down the stairs, waving towels, waving brooms. Do sparrows EVER get tired???
Finally, I got brave and smacked Mr. Sparrow with the broom while he was in the skylight. No more Mrs. Greenpeace. My plan was to stun him and when he fell, throw the towel over him and toss him into his natural environment.

(Nice shot, Brenna!)
As I didn't want to kill the bird (well....) I wasn't sure how hard to smack his little soot covered feathers.  I guess I could have done it harder, because all I did was knock him down from the skylight. He had enough gumption to hop behind some furniture where I couldn't reach him. By the time I moved the furniture (does that sound as nuts to you as it does to me?) he had regained enough strength to swoop back downstairs.
So I smacked those grey feathers a little harder.
Sure enough, down he went. This time he was by the dining room window. 
AHA!! Gotcha! The towel went over him and....hey!!! Where did he go????

Oops. Dixie pounced, but  Brenna swore he flew out the front door, and I couldn't find him, so I guess he managed to go out the door....

Thanks, Dixie dog!
Ha. You thought that was the end of the story, didn't you? Of course not.
 This is MY life we are talking about.
I had run a bunch of errands that afternoon. When I arrived home, Brenna was sitting, peering into the fireplace and Dixie was running madly all over the house. Could I be hearing things??? Cheep. Cheep. Chirp, chirp.
Mr. Sparrow never made it out the front door. He just went up to the window OVER the front door and hid until he regained his strength.
When he found that stregth, he made one final try - into MY BEDROOM.
Look, Mr. Sparrow, enough is enough. 
Brave girl that Lauren is, (ha ha ha ha) she quickly ran upstairs and shut my door. I grabbed the broom. And the towel.
Mr. Sparrow and I had a showdown in the master bedroom corral. From the window next to the bed, to the window inside the shower/bath.
Thonk, poof!  Thonk, poof! Thonk-
Down he went inside the tub, and I threw a towel over him. What a squawk!!!!
OUT the front door with Mr. Sparrow.
And away he flew.
The End.


  1. I have laughed SO HARD reading this post!!

    This is my favorite story that I have ever read in blogland. Hands down. When she answered the PHONE and kept bird sweeping, I thought that I would die...

    And there you are, peeping over the towel...

    And your sound effects? Too funny.

    Aren't you glad you got out that camera?? Priceless, I tell you, priceless.

    By the way, I half expect you to hear a chirp chirp chirp tomorrow.

  2. OMGoodness I feel your pain and frustration ... as much as I adore nature ... I like it where it belongs OUTSIDE and far away from my face ... I would have been hiding in the other room ... birds and wild critters in the house really give me the creeps!
    Something about outside things being crazy loose inside... oh my! your story is fabulous ... I was glued to the screen reading your tale ... I needed some comic relief today. WordPress made a change to my blog without asking and erased anything of value on my sidebar ... almost three years of links and connections ... I cried and feel so frustrated. But you have your own recovering to do from your birdie adventures. Good job Brenna with the camera ... you were all pretty amazing! A video would be absolutely priceless I'm sure.
    Fabulous recap and the pictures really make it too!
    Tweet Tweet no more hopefully!

  3. Lynn,
    You are just hilarious! I love your photo story of the 'dear little sparrow' and wonder how it would have played out if it were a bat.

    I think Brenna did a terrific job! Please let her know I think her photo skills are very good!


  4. OMG Lynn...LOL!!!
    This is sooooo funny & tragic! What is wrong with this bird...
    is he homeless & just needs a place to call his own & your house was all that was available,
    is he from out of town & all the tree hotels were full,
    is he an outcast & he's fellow birds are mean to him cuz he's confused & won't let him fly along with them
    or is this a love story about a bird falling for a dixie dog in a world of intolerance??
    I don't know, but I do agree...sometimes life is just CRAZY!!! LOL

  5. ha, ha! By the way, I love your house!

  6. Oh my gosh! That poor little bird must have been exhausted! Not to mention how exhausted you were! Many years ago in my single days, I came home to find things all over the house knocked down. I thought maybe someone had broken in! Well, that someone was a bird! Ha! Thanks so much for stopping by, I can't wait to try rubber stamping on my silk flowers. thanks for the idea! Love your blog, I am your newest follower :)

  7. Now that was a funny story. I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time, with those pictures and your story I had a smile on my face the whole story..

    Hope you are having a nice week!

    Hugs, Linda

  8. Oh my gosh Lynn! I cam over to tell you I got a nice laugh from your comment and wound up rolling on the floor!!! That was a great story and told so well I could totally see the chaos! Thank you for a great laugh. I'm glad everyone (and everything) remained unscathed by the ordeal. LOL!

  9. Oh my whiskers hurt from laughing so hard.....this adventure was simply too funny! I think I am a glutton for punishment.....I'm going to go back and read it again! This is better than any bedtime story "she" has ever told me :)

    I hope you are having a beautiful birdless house day!


    Romeo and "her"

  10. you ARE the new Erma Bombeck. What a riot! And B has a job as a photographer, for sure.
    About the 'dust'...not ashes. Birds have a natural dust (remember Willie?) We have hair and they have dust that coats their skin and feathers. Thonk. I'm laughing all over again! You take after your father, you know. He was quite a writer. He would be laughing his ass off right now, in that high pitched laugh of his. I think you need to apply to a newspaper and write a column!

  11. Oh my gosh, Lynn~ this story is hilarious! We've had several adventures with birds in the house ourselves...always a good time LOL!