Turning 50 isn't so bad.
Of course, I'm only one day into it, but so far, so good.
Especially when a friend gives you a CAKE.
Fifty isn't too great for my knees, though. All though, to be honest, this started in my 40's.
I helped Brenna in track and field today after school, and well,
let's say I'm not meant to try the long jump.
I think I need to stick to walking on the beach. That's a much better way to usher in the fifth decade of my life. Did I really say that??? The fifth decade? sheesh.
.
Better go back to the beach.
My two sisters and I are in the throws of cleaning out my mom's house for an estate sale. It's crazy emotional.
My eldest sister called from work and said my sister and I are saints for tackling this before she gets here.
I don't think you get to be a saint by using the words I had going through my head after finding yet another drawer filled with stuff. I think you have to do something a little different. Maybe if I light one of the seven hundred candles I found and said a prayer, I would have a chance. Who knows.
Does it count if you light a red and green candle?
I know it would be good to get a lot more of this out in writing...
all this going through a house,
wondering why something was put where it was,
not being able to ask.
Feeling like a wretch for taking apart your mom's home.
Feeling like a wretch for screaming at your mother in your head for owning more purses than are in any given Ross Department store.
Grieving for what never was, nor what ever will be.
It comes in small amounts. Then it gets whisked away by track and field, home life, a longing for artwork to be completed, joy in seeing my daughter home for Easter...
But I know it will come back.
It's sneaky that way.
Hi Lynn
ReplyDeleteFirst off you look so fabulous. Its hard to believe how quickly time flies. Wanted you to know your post touched my heart. Its so refreshing when someone is real. Thank you, thinking of you this week
xo
Kate
Dear Lynn,
ReplyDeleteOh, grief is a wiley one, isn't she? I did the "never will be" with my dad. That is not easy. right now I am doing "numb with periods of crying and confusion." Kind of a little like "crazy" sometimes.
Your flowers continue to look wonderful. They are my very favorites, So bright and joyous! Not a white gladiolus in the bunch. Thank God!
Treasuring you a lot.
Suz
You're so right, Lynn. "It" is sneaky like that. The Brenna busyness is a tool given by God, I think, to give you the emotional reprieve. I had wondered how it was going.
ReplyDeleteI think walking the next five decades away on the beach sounds like a perfect idea.
I remember one of my first time to your blog your were writing about being in some type of mini triathlon.. And I laughed my butt off when your wrote about putting the wet suit on.. That wasn't that long ago.. And I remember thinking I don't think I could do that. Life does throw us curve balls.. But I have a sneaky felling that you will always come out swinging..
ReplyDeleteBig hugs your way!!
I truly appreciate your open and emotionally honest writing about cleaning out your mom's house... I found myself nodding as I was reading. Thanks for putting that "out there" to share.
ReplyDeletefirst I have to say LOVE the new blog look, so fresh and beachy.
ReplyDeleteOkay, now I have to say I always look forward to your rambling posts.
They might be ramblings but they always have a point.
So glad you enjoyed your bday!!
Live like your 25 LOL
The emotions of up and down of cleaning out something that was left to you, another mess to deal with that you never wanted, has to be hard no matter your feelings.
I did have to laugh about the purses part (poor Brooklyn will have that to deal with in my home)
But all things happen for a reason and I am sure you will sort that out reason out one day.
I will be so happy for you once this sale and all is taken care of.
Good luck with everything and remember
Take good care of this moment...
Amy
As always, an excellent post...no, no make that an EXCELLENT post ;) Really. You have a way with words and photography. Wonder if I can "follow" you twice ;) maybe then some of your talent would rub off on me....
ReplyDelete"Her" and Romeo
I remember when my Grandmother was very ill with cancer. I was visiting and she wanted to clean out her closet... she lay on her bed like the Queen of Sheba, with my 12 year old daughter at her side, and as I brought each item from her closet and dresser she decided whether it should go to the Thrift Store or the garbage. After a few hours we had a hefty pile to donate, a smallish one for the garbage and three items still hanging - her fur coat, a pair of slacks and blouse. It was sad and tender and funny all at the same time and and she decided her life would have been much simpler had she had it that way all the time. Much as I dreaded doing that with her, it was a wonderful thing to help her with and gave me a truly different perspective of how as a life comes to it's close, what it was that you really needed, and what of that really mattered. I'll never forget it...
ReplyDeleteHi Lynn,
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you'll love 50 and make the most of it! I've got you beat by 3 yrs :)
So sorry to hear about the all the emotion that is wrapped up in the house sorting/discarding/cleaning....just the work would be quite enough to handle.
I'm loving the light, color, and design of your accompanying photos. Makes me think of when I was in Monterey, Ca, a couple yrs ago. I found the ocean and warmth enchanting. Feeling pretty lucky here, as our snow just left and so did the ice off the lake. Good bye to winter - finally!!!
Hope your week is super.
xo ~ Anna
Lynn,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for the loss of your Mom. For me, nothing has ever been harder than losing a parent, and yes all that it entails. My heart goes out to you. Keep footing one foot in front of the other my friend.
hugs,
c