Friday Ramblings

I think I blinked and the week went by.

You?

So here was my quandary this week.

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about and doing art journaling, as well as taking a couple of on-line classes. Some where along the way, I forgot what it is I do art-wise. 

Literally, I sat in front of blank canvases this week trying to remember just what it is that I like to do on them, and to try and keep out of my head what others do on their canvases. 

I have three shows coming up this fall, and I wanted to touch up as well as re-do a couple of canvases. 

All I can say is, thank goodness for texting. That, and if you don't have a good friend in the art community, find one-quick!!!! 

beginning of the canvas

My friend, Amy, talked me off of an artistic cliff on Wednesday. I love that I can text to her, "All I seem to do is sit and stare." and she texts back, "Usually for me, it means something is weighing me down. Is everything o.k.?" Not just, "how are you?" but, "are you O.K.?" This implies things like, everything all right? You sure? I'm asking for more than an "I'm fine" response.

definitely needs to be redone.

We talked about style. We talked about our art being "good enough"- isn't that just such an ongoing battle? Do any of us get OVER that subject????

There was discussion about the sad things in life and how we need to let it all out on the canvas. All of it. The frustrations, insecurities, worries, fear, you name it. 

As in....

opening my hands.

Not living with them clenched so I can control. Not living by keep everything bottled up and looking perfect.

So, I took a deep breath, thought about what needed to be expressed on the canvas and went to work. 

I took TIME. I put paint on with intention.  That paint went on only with the thoughts of what color is next and what texture needs to come out. 

 No thinking about shows, no wondering if it would sell, no thinking about how others would perceive it. Just my own thoughts and prayers and some paint.

When my hands are clenched in control, I tend to look down. My vision is narrowed, my fear is very large. That, and my knuckles hurt, (I also think my hands are even clenched while I sleep...geez. What does THAT say about me?) which is a constant reminder of how clenching is not good.

As my hands come unfolded, I am reminded to look UP. 

Which is a miracle in and of itself. It takes great effort for a person who has sore knuckles from clenching to do this.

I might need to rant a little as I look up-life is full of WHY's and WHAT THE HECK??? But mostly, it's an act of surrender. 

Another miracle. 

Hand clenchers don't do surrender easily.

I think today's written word on my hand will be "look up."

I'll post it on Instagram later this morning.

Maybe my knuckles will quit hurting.