I have said it before, but it's coming up over and over and in full force.
Grief is confusing.
One minute I'm realizing I don't have my mother at Christmas and thinking my chest will break.
The next minute, I'm realizing I don't have my mother at Christmas and a small wave of relief whispers over me and the guilt hits me between the eyes.
Therefore, I'm resurrecting my "word of the year" from 2011.
Intention
"The act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result."
I'm declaring December to be a month of intention for myself in the form of journaling and thinking.
The words need to go somewhere, the thoughts need to be released. What better way than an art journal? I have been working on a meditative way to journal and am enjoying it.
Lots of repetition is used, focusing on a word or phrase, and as the repetition progresses, the thought process flows.
I'm also using free writing on a couple of pages and going back over the words and circling different words that keep cropping up, or outlining words with the most passion.
I'm also being intentional about giving my dog her medicine and walking her. The family is rallying and so far no doors have been harmed in the process.
Along with Intention, Christmas is happening in baby steps.
It started with a candle this last weekend. It seemed doable to put this pretty candle from Anthropologie out and maybe, sort of, think about decorating.
Baby step number two:
I have had some each day and it is a good thing.
Baby step number three:
I added my favorite Christmas mug.
This always helps:
If you are journaling this month,
leave a link in the comments so we can come and see!!
We can encourage each other through this time to see the joy and goodness and HOPE for the season and that we are not alone in our progress.
****
I have two art shows coming up this weekend-one Saturday, December 1 in Santa Ana for the Santa Ana Art Walk. I'll be in Studio Crescendoh from 7-10:00 p.m.
The second one is Artists in the Alley on Sunday, December 2 from 12-7:00 p.m. It is located next to Augie's Coffee House...in the alley!
If you are in the area for either show, please stop by and say hello!
I remember my first Christmas without Mom and how much it hurt. I didn't so journaling back then and I wish I had - it probably would have saved me a lot of pain. I also wish I had been aware of the power of baby steps- I wanted to do it all at once (healing that is) and it just didn't work that way.
ReplyDeleteI have never had Candy Cane tea- I am going to have to get a box of that- sounds delicious!
Hi Lynn
ReplyDeleteI want to try and stop by and see you. Hopefully sneak in another holiday hug. My heart aches for you not having your mom this holiday. Love and prayers to you Kate xo
Baby steps are good, Lynn...sometimes the only way to make it through...wish I could be at your shows to say hi!
ReplyDeleteSounds like a perfect way to get all the those feeling out on paper. I love my Art Journal.. I don't share a lot of what I do in it. But it sure is a wonderful release. I would love to stop by your shows. It's not too far of a drive. Hummm. Can I talk the hubby into it. Thats the trick.
ReplyDeleteBig Hugs to you my friend.
Believe it or not, I actually remember that word from 2011, and I'm glad you are resurrecting it. What I love even more is the way you are turning your emotions into creativity. I love that about you. I really love your art journals. I admit to wishing that I had some artistic talent instead of two left thumbs.
ReplyDeleteJournaling is such a great relief of any confusion, anger, grief, emotional upheaval... And grief seems to be very confusing, that's how I experienced it after my mom passed away almost six years ago and after we lost our second daughter 12 years ago. No one can tell you how you have to grieve - it is your own journey, and there is no right or wrong. Journaling will definitely help. Sending you hugs...
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard, hugs to you Lynn
ReplyDeleteGrief is a rough ride. I am sorry you are going through this but it sounds like you are on the right track. I love the idea of journaling and letting the emotion pour into some creativity. This is my first time by here so I hope we get to know each other. BTWthose necklaces at the end are gorgeous!
ReplyDeleteKiran
WOW! So much to embrace here in this post.... hoping for TWO sucessful shows!!!! Your work is beautiful and the joy it brings you shows! As for the journaling process you are using....would love to know more. Looks like Zentangles but purrhaps not?!? I owe you a reply email but look where I am - bad girl ;) If you will forgive my diversions in being here would love to hear more about this soon....and yes, I WILL write ;) Promise. Just need to get Romeo off the other computer. (You believe that don't you?)
ReplyDeleteHugs,
"Her" and Romeo
Lynn, I'm sorry you're having mixed feelings about your mom being gone for this holiday. I'm thinking of you and giving your hand a squeeze. I like how you're dealing with it by focusing on living with intention. Thanks for being an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteJill