Thursday, October 7, 2010

Why We Do What We Do. part 2

When we last got together, I ended by telling you I took a practice swim in the bay.
Let's back up just a bit.
My other big hurdle was trying on a wetsuit. 
I didn't want to go out and buy one, as they are very expensive, and Doug all ready has one that he bought for his triathalon. We bought it in a town called Encinitas, where surfing is IT. This store was amazing. Nothing BUT wetsuits. Long, short, women's, men's, suits for surfing, suits for racing, suits for triathalons, etc., etc.  Doug has mastered this suit. He can even put it on at the beach.

He's a pro in my book.

I even went so far as to look up "how to put on a wetsuit." This nice man showed how easy it was to put one on, using a brilliant idea of plastic garbage bags over one's feet so the wetsuit would sliiiiide right over. Apparently, there are numerous products that help this process, including spraying Pam all over your arms and legs. Yum.
Who knew, right? All my life I have gone to the beach. All the surfers did was tie a little towel around their waists, pull on their wetsuit and grab their board. I guess these wetsuits are different.

One day, I gathered up all my courage, plastic bags, and went upstairs to our room.
There it was. The wet suit.  It looked simple enough. I might struggle a bit, but I had to try this thing on before the swim. I certainly wasn't going to do it for the first time on the sand. Oh..can you even....never mind. I began by putting the plastic shopping bag over my foot and slid my foot into the leg of the wet suit, promptly getting my foot stuck and ripping the bag. Hmmmm. Not quite how the video showed. And the guy sure didn't have a tutorial on how to get a mangled bag out of the leg of the wetsuit, so I was on my own. O.k., I thought.  I'll try again. Rome wasn't built in a day, right? 
I took my leg out and fished out the plastic bag. Smart girl that I am, I had brought up several plastic bags. Bag on foot. Good. Foot into wetsuit. Good. Pull.
Not so good. No matter. Start with the other leg. Always better to get both legs stuck at once. Bag onto other foot. Good. I've got the bag thing down cold!!!! Foot into wetsuit. Right. Pull.
Pull. Right. Aaaannndd PUUULLLL. 
How hard could it be to put on Neoprene rubber?
Grunt, sweat, pull. Grab some Neoprene and yank up. Sweat some more. Pull. Pant, sweat and start again with the other side. I got the suit up far enough to get the plastic baggies off my feet, so I felt I was making progress. Now. Up and OVER the hips. 
Sweating and rubber so does not go together.
HOW am I supposed to get this bloody suit UP?
I thought it would be a lot like putting on panty hose. You know. Gather it up. Put it over your foot. Sliiiide it up over your knee. Shimmy and pull until it's all in place.
Apparently rubber and nylon are not the same.

Let me pause for a minute and tell you something about myself.
If I have a task in front of me (other than math), I will generally put my head down, gut it out and get it done. My oldest sister once gently told my that I need to learn to work smarter, not harder. I don't think I have learned that lesson very well.

Maybe I should have gotten my own wet suit? Or consulted this chart:

I waddled downstairs to ask Doug for help. 
"Help." I said. "I have rubbed the skin on my knuckles raw trying to put on the wet suit. What am I doing wrong?"

We discovered the problem and I will let you in on a very, very valuable lesson regarding putting on a wet suit that I learned from my husband. In case you should ever want to put one on after reading this.
Never, never, ever. Never.
 Put on a wet suit inside out.

It just won't work. 

My husband is very kind and compassionate. He nicely pointed out that the wet suit was inside out and helped my yank it back off my legs and put it right side out.
We got more plastic bags.
Sure enough, the wet suit went on. Up and oo-over.
With some pulling on Doug's part and jumping on my part, I got it to where I could put my arms in. Doug showed me a trick for this, too. It's kinda like putting on a pillow case. Gather it all together, put your arm in the casing and pull.

I jumped into the pool and found that the wetsuit truly makes one more buoyant. Wheeee! Piece of cake. This will be fun!! I can so do this.

In closing, there are a few lessons I have learned:

Number one: Putting on a wet suit is a two-person job unless you have biceps of steel. Or a brain of lead.

Number two: Plastic bags are not all they are cracked up to be to help put on a wet suit.

Number three: Neosporin and band-aids are a must have when being as stubborn as I am. Skin rubbed off by rubber hurts like a you-know-what. Especially on knuckles.

Stay tuned for the practice swim!!!

p.s. I will be linking this up with Vanessa from Southern In My Heart for Inspiration Fridays.


  1. Omg Lynn that was hilarious! I was so envisioning this. If would have peed my pants for sure if I was there watching you. :)

  2. Oh my gosh, Lynn...I was LOL for real!! This was one funny post! So glad you figured it out... and I'll file that info in my mind should I ever need it! Such images...so funny!

  3. I read this and the previous post and they made me laugh so hard. I feel like I just squeezed myself into a wet suit too. Great story and fantastic writing. Good luck. I can't wait to hear more.
    April @ HomeHinges.com

  4. Lynn,
    You write so beautifully. I know this was very frustrating but you are able to relate things in such a funny and clever way that is took me right back to putting on a wet suit to snorkel in the Great Barrier Reef. I thought it would be nothing to put it on. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done.
    But back to the beginning. You are so good at this, my friend. My, what a talented person you are!!!

  5. Lynn! That was one of the most hilarious things I have read in a long time! You are an excellent story-teller and even in my cold-medicine-induced-state-of-mind, I still laughed out loud! Thanks so much for linking up to the party!

  6. Dear God, please make sure you're right by my sister's side throughout the ultra sprint...and especially when she tries to peel off the wet wet suit to start biking. I'm worried she will be sooo confused by the experince of defrocking that she will ride off in the wrong direction. She's a brave bear and deserves all of the mercy you can hand out. Also God, please heal her raw knucles before the big race. It would be a kindness. Amen.

  7. Oh you're funny! I can just picture you!!!

  8. Oh My Goodness, This is too funny..
    But I must agree a suit is a two man job.. at least for me also..
    I scuba dive and my hubby always has to help me with my suit.. Like Manya said.. I can just picture you getting into that suit. Another great post... Hugs, Linda

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  10. What a cute post- too funny! Thanks for sharing!! Coming over from Vanessa's- nice to meet you!! :)


    And considering, dear Lynn, that I am still prone to little chuckle outbursts when I think of Lynn Vs. The Bird, that's really saying something.

    Lynn Vs. The Inside Out Wet Suit is #1!!!!

    You totally took me by surprise, and I was already giggling at the visual you were creating with your words.

    So funny.
    I love it!

    And one more thing. Have you ever seen Runaway Bride? There is a favorite line where the old lady talks about watching Richard Gere walk away. She says, "I like his tight butt.. well I dooooo!" (insert old lady voice.)

    For some *oddball* reason, that line came to mind while reading your post... hmm...

  12. LOL! I couldn't wear a wetsuit because I would feel to closed in:(

  13. This is so funny! Just what I needed today, thanks.

  14. Thanks for linking this from your OWOH post. I was laughing out loud!