Friday Ramblings

In 2008, I was a crew member for an eight man team on the Race Across America, which is a 3,000 mile bike race from Oceanside, California to Annapolis, Maryland. 

At one point in the race, I found myself in a large dirt parking lot. I had no idea what state we were in. I wasn't even sure what day it was. I was at my wit's end with fatigue and emotion. All I could do was walk in circles around the parking lot, trying to figure out my emotional state of mind. I managed to get ahold of my oldest sister during one of my loops and I burst into tears at "hello". I vaguely remembering blubbering about not thinking "it would be like this". She very kindly laughed and said, "I was waiting for this call."

That sentence stopped me in my maniacal looping.

It blew my mind that this emotional state of mind could be remotely "normal", given the circumstances. (sleeping in four hour shifts, driving endless hours behind cyclists, getting up and jumping into a car in the middle of the night, and the middle of the United States..) I somehow always manage to think I should "hold it together" just a little bit more. Shouldn't I be charging ahead? Aren't I immune to hitting a wall? It's such a good cause, how can I be ready to pack my bags and run home?

my husband, rocking the latest in hospital garb. i prefer leopard print over hospital wear.

When I got home this afternoon, I realized I felt like I needed to find a dirt parking lot and call my sister.

At the same time, I felt silly for wanting to do so. After all, life is GOOD. 

My husband is healing nicely after his bowel resection. My eldest is home for a couple of days to help out. We have had friends reaching out, praying, bringing meals, taking care of Brenna, etc.

But at the same time, my husband, who I liken to a shark (if they stop swimming they die) is sleeping 10 hours at night, takes a three hour nap during the day and-are you ready for this?

WATCHED THREE MOVIES. IN A ROW.

So, yes. I will admit it.

I needed a dirt parking lot today. 

All these emotions!!! Good ones, hard ones, tired ones. They take up so much brain space. They take up so much room in my chest. I don't realize how much until it's too much.  

Instead of beating myself up for taking up room and feeling needy, I realized that this amazing ability to FEEL is o.k., and there are times in life when the emotion meter is going to be on the crazy side, and maybe a dirt parking lot is the safest spot I can be in.

i want to be in the dirt parking lot that this guy pulls into.

I vote for this during the next couple of days:

Take a walk. Even if it's in circles.

Know that you are normal.

Call your sister.

Call me and I'll tell you that you are normal.

Have a second cup of coffee.

Put on your favorite sweats and slippers.

Hug your husband.

Kiss your child's head.

Go to bed early.

Love you all.

Friday Ramblings

Sometimes life can take a little left turn.

On two wheels.

One is left humbled. And beyond grateful. A little tired but oh, so grateful.

My husband woke me up at 2 am on Wednesday morning asking if we had anymore Gas-X. We did not and I offered to go get some for him, which he declined. I fell back asleep. He woke me up at 5:00 a.m. and said he needed to go to the emergency room, something wasn't right. I offered to drive him, but he again declined and I think he said something about not wanting to wake up Brenna.

He called at 6:00 and said after a Cat Scan and blood work, it was probably a kidney stone, he was in good hands and had some pain killers on board. I got up and got ready, got Brenna ready for her all school retreat and drove her up to the campground. I got her settled, figured out her buddies, her room and all the little details of sending my child off with her school for three days.

I realized my husband hadn't called so, on my way out of the campground I called him and said, "What's up?" Thinking he had passed a kidney stone by now I was completely thrown when he told me they were asking for a surgery consult. 

Racing to the E.R., hoping to get there before the consult, I got to his room as he was talking with a friend (who is a surgeon) on the phone about bowel obstructions and surgery.

The next thing I knew, the surgeon was in the room telling us and the staff that we had to move quickly and there was "just a small window of time" he had to do surgery.

By this time I am thinking I am watching a very strange play unfold and I'm not really liking the story line. I would prefer to leave the theater and not even worry about getting my money back for the tickets.

In the blink of an eye - or rather a lot of grimacing pain, They rolled my husband into surgery.

Twenty four hours later, he is missing eight inches of his small intestines and has gone through a resection. He gets up like a woman after a hysterectomy and our biggest prayer today is that he starts, how shall I put it? "Passing wind." No small feat when your intestines have been pulled apart and staples back together.

I'm not really sure how to continue the story from here. Honestly? We had just spent time with some a couple who are dear, dear friends of ours. The husband has been diagnosed with Ocular melanoma. We came back after the visit and talked for a long time about papers that are in order, how much we love each other and pretty much broke down and cried for our friends. Two days later we are staring at each other wondering if that time of talking together was somewhat prophetic. I took a long, long walk today, feeling like we have skirted a horror story by the skin of our teeth. Thinking thoughts about Grace. That we all get grace, every single one of us. But maybe, could we share ours with our friends? Thinking thoughts along the lines of how is it that if our hope is Heaven, we spend so much time banging down the the doors praying and pleading to have more life here? 

All I can come up with is that life is incredibly fragile and once I think I have control over it, I have done a fabulous job of pulling the wool over my eyes. 

That, and the recognition that all we have is now. Just this moment. Then we get the next. And so on. And the realization of that is a gift because today,I want to be able to cement that in my mind.

So, right now, I watch my sweet husband give into pain killers and fall asleep, exhausted by the afternoon of walking three laps around the unit, brushing his teeth and visiting with some friends and colleagues.

 And I am grateful. 

Sent from my iPhone

Monday At The Desk.

I feel like life is rushing by at incredible speed these days. 

I have eighteen days to get ready for the three day show, Art For Heaven's Sake. 

Not like I'm counting down or anything.

But I do have a few things to put in order-

New Prints.

Journals.

Framed fabric pieces.

One large canvas.

Several itty bitty canvases.

YIKES.

From this....

to this....

I do like working under pressure, but oh, my!!

The other announcement is that our newest 

heART Coaching Class

has a date and a beautiful location for this one day only.

Welcome to Capistrano Beach in beautiful Dana Point!!!

We will be at this beautiful home  on

 Saturday, November 9 from 9:00-3:30

The cost will be $150 and will include shuttle to the house from the beach parking lot, snacks, lunch, walks on the beach and a stunning view right on the sand to work all day!!!!

Our coaching by Sue Robson will center around fear and what we would do if we were NOT afraid.

Art journaling techniques will be taught by yours truly.

It will truly be a memorable day, and we hope you can join us.

SIGN UP HERE-SPACES ARE LIMITED!

See you on Friday!

Friday Rambles

It has come to my attention that I have picked up the nasty habit of believing I haven't been doing things "right". 

Not just one thing in particular, just things. 

Things like my day.

Homework with Brenna.

My art.

It's all a lie, and deep down I know this, and I have spent plenty of money talking to a professional about such things. It stems from always being the one in the family to always feel responsible for cleaning up after the alcoholic and making sure everyone is happy.

 It's classic, really, but I think I have evolved it into an art form.

The art form of "never being good enough."

It has raised it's nasty head for a couple of reasons.

The pressure I put on myself is always a good start.

When I am tired, this nasty habit gains a foot hold- and I have been ridiculously tired with sinus stuff the last few days. You know the kind-you can sleep for ten hours straight and wake up wondering if you have slept.

I also started a book by Jenny Lawson, which is, by the way, the most hysterical thing I have ever read. 

The chapter on the squirrel maybe, kinda made think just a little bit about my childhood. I won't go into detail here, but let's just say it messed with my brain a little bit.

So.

I guess all that to say is I'm going to look back at the week with a more positive outlook and turn the nasty habit off.

Ready?

I think I saw these in J.Crew. I need them, but with my prescription in them. I will feel young and hip and uber cool.

Do you see how many almonds are in this bag?

I sent this photo in a text message to a friend on the 21st. I had managed to make my life better by finding these and having some with coffee and needed to share this with her.

They were gone about three days ago.

This is the positive part: I'm not going to count how many days it took me to finish off this bag.

I have eaten this about four days in a row for breakfast.

Home made granola, apples, strawberries and almond milk.

No, there are no chocolate covered almonds in the granola.

I was fairly paralyzed by how much of a mess my art room was in.

But it was sacrificed for a good reason:

I. LOVE. THESE.

They make me happy.

I can't wait to show you what they look like finished.

Which involved this:

Somehow I managed to spray paint my feet the first go around while spray painting the frames.

I had a couple of minutes to finish painting the frames in between running around today, and instead of changing, I held a towel around my jeans and hobbled from frame to frame, one hand spraying, the other hand holding my garage towel around my jeans so they wouldn't get white paint on them. My feet? Well, they were sacrificed the day before, so who cares.

Plus, I'm sure my neighbors had fun trying to figure out what the heck I was doing.

I found this in a thrift store.

My friend, Robin, doesn't agree with me, but it is about the funniest movie ever.

It's going to my eldest after I watch it about 30 times, cause she likes it as much as I do.

A life-saving day.

It began with coffee and heart-to-heart talking and ended with thrift stores.

Best day in a long, long time.

When in doubt, pull these out for dinner.

Then, put on comfy sweats and moccasins.

They cover up the paint on one's feet and make it a great way to end the day.

No more photos of my feet, I promise.

Have a great weekend.

Friday Ramblings

As planned, we left my friend's daughter in Colorado last week. I was pretty proud of us for not tying her up and putting her back in the car and taking her home where she belongs. Her daughter is pretty darn brave in my book, so I guess that's where letting them spread there wings comes in handy. Rope does not.

 (No, we did not end up in Boulder. We watched the news while we were in Denver and, yes, it was awful.)

We began our trip by driving through Las Vegas, which was spectacular, just because I got to STOP AND SEE MY FRIEND, AMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had so much fun introducing her to everyone and seeing her seriously gorgeous house. Why drive when you have a perfectly good stop to make is my new motto.

Utah is pretty spectacular,

Richfield, UT.

 and the top of Vail is unbelievable. 

The best part of the stop in Vail was when my husband of 28 years was looking at the biggest ski run ever on top of a mountain with an elevation of 11,000 feet, turned to me and said, "Have you ever been skiing?"

brave mom. brave daughter. it runs in the family.

I can honestly say I had more confidence at the moment of that answer than I can remember in a long, long LONG time. 

My answer was, "HELL no. I'd rather duck under a 6ft. wave in the ocean than throw myself down the side of a mountain like that."

 Who DOES that?

I also figured out a few ways to stay awake while in the car.

A. don't be a primary driver.

B. Keep a travel journal and color for eight hours.

C. smelling mod podge in the car helps keep you awake.

 

D. It's really better to open the windows while using mod podge in the car.

E. really. you CAN use mod podge in the car.

F. using Aqua Markers at 11,000 is not the best idea, but since you are using them at that elevation, get ready to finger paint, because the markers will gush when you take off the lid.

Who knew? I like operating at Sea Level, anyway.

The travel journal was a blast to keep. It got to the point that whenever one of us had a piece of paper from anywhere, they said, "STOP!!! Don't throw that away, Lynn will glue it into her journal!!"

I like being famous like that.

Let's just say that getting home late at night after four days away and doing an art show the next day is a good way to unwind.

NOT.

But it was a lot of fun.

Art In The Alley, Redlands Ca.

I have so much creative mojo going on right now. I was wondering where it went. I think a driving trip is a good way to get it back-especially when you make a lot of fun stops.

 Plus, I had a lot of caffeine on the trip and I think I was strung out just a tiny bit. Whatever. It got my brain going.

I'm starting a series of birds done with free motion sewing. I like to call them, "Free Birds".

People have asked me if I have a place to sell my art online. I refer them to the button on the right hand side bar where it says, "Art For Sale". It's a really cute button. But if you click on it, you will enter a very empty page that will echo if you call out, "Hello???" 

I'm working on it. 

In the meantime, I will be at Art For Heaven's Sake in Redlands Oct. 17-20 and The Red Dirt Festival November 2 and you can purchase cool stuff there.

Maybe in between I'll get some other items listed.

Yep. 

On it.

While working on the free birds, and getting ready for the three day show in October,  I'm also working on journals, homework with Brenna, school meetings, tennis and I am desperate to see my eldest, so I'm getting back into the car for the day tomorrow.

I won't use mod podge while I'm driving....promise.

Gotta run.

Have a great weekend.

On My Desk

I will be MIA for a few days. I'm helping one of my best friends move her daughter half way across the state. I'm not sure if this is being such a good best friend.
A best friend would tie that daughter down so we can see her sweet face whenever we want to.
But maybe a better best friend will hold that friend's hand all during the plane ride home and cry big crocodile tears with her because she loves her friend's daughters as much as her own.
And, while the thought of leaving that daughter so far away is enough to make us come slightly unglued, we will muddle through it together cause we know deep down in our hearts that it is the right thing to do.

So I am armed and ready. Journaling stuff, comfy clothes and my tooth brush.
Wish us luck.
xo
Lynn

Friday Ramblings

I think I blinked and the week went by.

You?

So here was my quandary this week.

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about and doing art journaling, as well as taking a couple of on-line classes. Some where along the way, I forgot what it is I do art-wise. 

Literally, I sat in front of blank canvases this week trying to remember just what it is that I like to do on them, and to try and keep out of my head what others do on their canvases. 

I have three shows coming up this fall, and I wanted to touch up as well as re-do a couple of canvases. 

All I can say is, thank goodness for texting. That, and if you don't have a good friend in the art community, find one-quick!!!! 

beginning of the canvas

My friend, Amy, talked me off of an artistic cliff on Wednesday. I love that I can text to her, "All I seem to do is sit and stare." and she texts back, "Usually for me, it means something is weighing me down. Is everything o.k.?" Not just, "how are you?" but, "are you O.K.?" This implies things like, everything all right? You sure? I'm asking for more than an "I'm fine" response.

definitely needs to be redone.

We talked about style. We talked about our art being "good enough"- isn't that just such an ongoing battle? Do any of us get OVER that subject????

There was discussion about the sad things in life and how we need to let it all out on the canvas. All of it. The frustrations, insecurities, worries, fear, you name it. 

As in....

opening my hands.

Not living with them clenched so I can control. Not living by keep everything bottled up and looking perfect.

So, I took a deep breath, thought about what needed to be expressed on the canvas and went to work. 

I took TIME. I put paint on with intention.  That paint went on only with the thoughts of what color is next and what texture needs to come out. 

 No thinking about shows, no wondering if it would sell, no thinking about how others would perceive it. Just my own thoughts and prayers and some paint.

When my hands are clenched in control, I tend to look down. My vision is narrowed, my fear is very large. That, and my knuckles hurt, (I also think my hands are even clenched while I sleep...geez. What does THAT say about me?) which is a constant reminder of how clenching is not good.

As my hands come unfolded, I am reminded to look UP. 

Which is a miracle in and of itself. It takes great effort for a person who has sore knuckles from clenching to do this.

I might need to rant a little as I look up-life is full of WHY's and WHAT THE HECK??? But mostly, it's an act of surrender. 

Another miracle. 

Hand clenchers don't do surrender easily.

I think today's written word on my hand will be "look up."

I'll post it on Instagram later this morning.

Maybe my knuckles will quit hurting.