There are many changes coming in our home, and the first is for our girl, Brenna.
It's the last walk to this bus and all that she knows in a daily routine.
I wonder what the next season of walking out the door will bring...
Right now, this just lands me smack in the middle of unknowns, which I don't do very well.
Unknowns do not bring out the best in me.
Unless I'm on vacation with a big, wide open day that I can fill with whatever. That kind of unknown is o.k.
Thoughts of home in my art journal
I can do lists pretty well, though.
I like checking things off and lists make me feel secure. Because I'm fairly insecure in certain spots. Because..oh, never mind.
For instance, there is my
NO MORE List:
No more last month absolute crazy days of school.
NO MORE LUNCH FOOD SMELLS AT 6:00 A.M.
No more alarms.
No more forgotten permission slips.
No more "sore throats" because someone doesn't want to go to the YMCA with her class.
No more IEP's and psychological evaluations to tell us things that are so not helpful about Brenna's progress, or lack thereof as determined by a test she can't complete.
Then there is the Never Ending To-Do List:
Figure out ways to fill 40 (FORTY) hours a week that she would usually be in school/traveling to school.
Look at day programs.
Look at volunteer programs.
Figure out how to build stamina for a job.
Make a schedule every day because Brenna does so much better with a schedule.
Go back to bed.
Walk out the door and pretend we are on vacation every day.
Watch Brenna and take notes on bravery and courage.
Watch Brenna take life on and hope to imitate her.
Explore job options she would like: french fry cutter person at In N Out, pre-school aide, policeman in Texas.
O.K. maybe not that one so much....
This is my best list:
THINGS TO REMEMBER:
I'm not alone.
God's desire is for Brenna to live a full life is way bigger than even my desire.
Don't panic.
Doors will open.
The quote from my art journal by Mother Teresa:
"Love begins by taking care of the closest ones-the ones at home"
It's summer vacation. For crying out loud-live like it's summer vacation.
(I could potentially live like it's summer vacation forever.)
Isaiah 27:3-The verse I read over and over when Brenna was first born:
"I, the LORD watch over it;
I water it continually.
I guard it day and night
so that no one may harm it."
Hope, faith, fear and list making.
What a life!
I'm going to begin a Fun Summer Things To Do List.
How about you?
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